One thing I didn’t understand when I became a father was that the second my son became old enough to understand what a ball and a balloon was I would no longer be able to go buy milk without him losing his mind several times . Why does A&P throw a bin of bouncy balls right next to the milk anyway?  Are they trying to drive parents out of their minds?  Now if I am lucky enough to avoid the ball pit of a thousand cries I have no way to avoid the row of balloons surrounding the cash registers like another level in Dante’s Inferno.

Now what I am forced to do is distract my son with some sort of plastic bottle which should hopefully keep is eyes focused down.  I must also have a set shopping list lined up and ready to go to avoid passes by pit row. This method is sound, but you have to move quickly so make sure you have some stamina.  If you are out of shape just be ready to cough up an extra $10 per trip.  The final step in my process is to hit the self checkout lanes since not only do they not have balloons they don’t have candy.  Sure the candy isn’t a main draw, but it is easy to grab and right there in a tight aisle.

Currently mt wife and I have not been as good with our method as we would have hoped.  Our apartment has nine balloons in random states of inflation hovering around.  Some of those are from the supermarket and another set is from the mall . Oh yes the mall is just as bad.  Nordstrom has figured out that giving brightly colored balloons away for free in the children’s shoe department would be a great idea.  You know what?  I take two balloons from them every mall visit and don’t buy a damn thing — just because they don’t deserve my business after making my kid lose his you know what.

Alright I am don eventing about this topic, but you dads to be I promise you this will be an issue.  No child can pass something round or brightly colored without wanting to touch it and take it him.  My theory is it all goes back to that breast feeding from day one, but that is an entirely different theory of mine.